Last night was one of the most wearying nights as a parent I’ve had in a very long time, for no reason other than I my very vocal child. My son spent all night, at Denny’s and then the grocery store, clamoring for something. His clamoring consists of saying “Ma ma ma ma ma!” at maximum volume while miming towards whatever it is he’s hoping to acquire.

In reality, of course, it’s not his maximum volume. It might be half or a little more. But in public it seems like max times two. And I’m fairly certain he emits the exact frequency to cause me the most discomfort, because my wife doesn’t find it nearly as annoying.

So please, any great creators or Genetic Engineers reading this entry, please add a mute button to children as the next evolutionary step. A big button on the back of the head that is there at birth and gradually fades around the 3rd year. Thanks.